2007 December « Nothin’ but the Truth.

Holiday Madness

December 24, 2007 at 8:41 pm (Christmas, Funny stuff, annoyance, aunt, bean soup, christmas movies, christmas vacation, dinner, elf, family, family stories, grandmas, grandparents, happy holidays, holidays, humor, movies, mr hankey, parents, polkas, presents, slovak, south park, togetherness, uncle)

Christmas is supposed to be a time of togetherness. Problem is, togetherness =annoyance. Let me explain. Tonight I am in charge of cooking Christmas Eve dinner with all the fixins. I watch Food Network like it’s my job so I learn a lot of the tricks. Problem isn’t the dinner because as you all know it can be quite comedic when a dinner does not turn out the way it should. (Christmas Vacation). Togetherness sucks because you begin to notice all the foibles of your family members. My older sister for instance is obsessed with presents. I swear if she wakes me up at 6am again I will have to kill her. My Dad plays the role of Scrooge ridiculously well. My Mom worries that everyone is having a wonderful time. My little sister is lame. And I never know what I want for Christmas so when I open up my gifts I always look either surprised, disappointed or confused. I don’t mean to offend but seriously, if you don’t know what to buy cash is always awesome.

I always think about the times when we had to go to both grandparents’ houses on Christmas Eve. My mom’s parents would always prepare a delicious meal but when we opened presents we always started with the youngest then ended up with my Grandpa at the end. This system worked until my sister and cousin were born. Then I was 3^rd to open my presents and at 8 years old that bullshit. There was always my uncle who would bitch about needing to be somewhere else and my aunt would tell him to shut and have another beer. Good times. My grandma always made us color or play cards. All I really wanted to do was eat a good meal and then travel to the next house. My dad’s parents were always awesome. You see, I’m Slovak so we eat some crazy meals. My grandma always made bean soup. My sister, cousins and I wanted nothing to do with that bean soup so my Grandpap would always order us a pizza. Christmas pizza is always the best kind of pizza.

I hope that everyone else reading this can relate to the madness that comes with family togetherness. I love my family and all the memories but I swear we are a mess when you get us all together. They all start to bitch about politics, foods, TV shows, whatever there is to bitch about. My Baba (grandma Chir) loves to complain about QVC and the news. I don’t get it. I just tell her about my grades and then that changes the subject. But, since I can’t talk about school anymore, I go to my second fallback, polka music. Damn that woman loves her polkas. She can decipher between polish, German, Austrian polkas. It’s a gift.

I always watch “A Christmas Story” at least four times throughout the holiday. I don’t even like the movie that much. I would rather watch “Elf” or “Christmas Vacation”. Elf has the best catchphrases! If you don’t know about that movie, you must watch it! I also love the “Simpsons” and “South Park” Christmas episodes. The episode with Mr. Hanky’s Christmas Classics is probably the best.

Family togetherness is great when you are immersed in it. However, it is even better when it’s over.

Well, wish me luck while I attempt to cook Christmas Eve dinner for my family and friends. Happy Holidays!! J

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21 Questions

December 17, 2007 at 3:08 am (21 questions, Being attached, Being single, Boring people, College, English major, Funny stuff, Life in your 20's, Love and Dating, Pittsburgh, ask yourself, bar stories, college grad, college life, commuting, conan obrien, culture, embarassing, entertainment, farts, funny, goals, graduation, guys, humor, laugh, life, living at home, marie chir, money, my life, no money, oscars, pointless, poop jokes, post graduation, quarter-life crisis, questions, random, real world, realities, relationships, sad, school, sensitive guys, stress, tests, the simpsons, writer's strike)

1. Why do I care so much?

2. Why do I care about where I’m going to be in 10 years when I don’t even know where I’m going to be in 10 seconds?

3. Why the rush?

4. Why cant I get my dream job right out of school?

5. Why can’t I be a writer for Conan?

6. Why can’t the writers settle?

7. Why can’t I pay off my credit cards?

8. Why do I worry so much?

9. Why do I care about what the guy sitting next to me thinks?

10. Why are guys either assholes or psychos?

11. Why can’t a guy just be nice and normal?

12. Why can’t I move out of my house?

13. Why must I live with such nagging?

14. Why won’t the Simpsons get better writers?

15. Why do I find fart jokes so funny?

16. Why can’t I be mature?

17. Why do I watch food network when I know I suck at cooking?

18. Why do I choose to be lame, stay in, and watch movies on Friday night?

19. Why don’t I read more?

20. Why should want to be writer?

21. Why should I move?

Answers:

1. I care because if I didn’t… who would?

2. Because if I don’t have a plan for my future I will certainly end up selling flowers outside stadiums before sporting events.

3. Because I’m impatient.

4. Because the writers strike is inconveniencing me. Also, people like Tina Fey (with no talent) get jobs easier than people who can make people laugh on SNL… ME!

5. I can and will be a writer for Conan.

6. The writers shouldn’t settle because they deserve everything. Being a writer is ridiculously difficult.

7. I don’t have job.

8. It’s my nature to worry. It’s what I do.

9. Because I’m insecure and he knows it. Plus, he’s hot.

10. Because there are only two types of guys I will meet before I find my true love: Douches and Sissies. Douches think they can get any girl in the world by playing mind games with them and leading them on to believe you like them. Sissies are pushovers and usually turn out to be clingy psychopaths…The dating world sucks ass.

11. Because guys lack those qualities.

12. Well, I don’t have money. Once I get money, I’m outta here!

13. Because that’s just the way it is. I need to learn to ignore it.

14. Why don’t the Simpsons get better writers?! That show is really bad lately!

15. Because I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy. I laugh at fart, poop, and burp jokes. They’re hilarious!

16. Because being mature is lame. Being irresponsible is one thing but laughing at a fart joke doesn’t make me immature.

17. Food Network rules. I used to be good at cooking. Maybe now that I’m done with school I can get back to cooking and baking. Plus, Paula Deen rules.

18. Bars suck because I end up smelling like cigarettes and fear after I leave. I also want to be a screenwriter so I tend to watch a lot of movies. Plus, I’m lame.

19. Cause I have the attention span of a 2 year old.

20. I should be a writer because I know that I can make people laugh. I just know that if I wasn’t a writer I wouldn’t be the miserable person I am today… haha!

21. Because if I don’t move I wont win my Oscar. J

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I Listen to Pop Music… Wanna Fight About It?

December 12, 2007 at 10:25 pm (2gether, 50 cent, 746, 98 degrees, College, English major, Funny stuff, Life in your 20's, barbie girl, being an ass, boybands, britney spears, bye bye bye, celebrities, college life, commuting, culture, dancing, driving, embarassing, entertainment, funny, guitar hero, humor, jessica simpson, justin timberlake, lance bass, music, nsync, oops, pop music, rap music)

I am the first to admit that I am jamming to *Nsync and The Spice Girls while driving to school everyday. I love pop music. There is nothing wrong with knowing all the words to Britney Spear’s albums. Those are so catchy songs. I love dancing around while at a stoplight and pretending like I can sing and give the sultry looks when I really just look like a jackass. Plus, I’m tone-deaf so that doesnt help the cause. haha! I get offended when people say it’s not cool to listen to pop music. It was never cool. I was making a statement wearing my *Nsync concert t-shirt to class in middle school. I was more a badass than those people who wore rap gear. You are seriously taking a risk admitting you know all the words to “Spice World” and that you paid to see lance bass’ movie, “On the Line.” It was a terrible movie, but I had a crush on Lance. Of coarse, he turned out to be the gay one. just my luck.

I mean, I could sit here all day naming the best pop songs from the 90’s and early 2000’s… “Bye bye bye”, “Oops I did it again”, “U+me=us”… all great songs. When I think about it, when I was in high school I never worried about my weight because I was always learning the new choreography from music videos. Today we have a bunch of fatasses in front of the TV because rappers and rockers don’t have well-choreographed dance numbers for the youth of america to memorize, do they? I think if 50 Cent was dancing in his music videos we would have fewer obese children and some bangin’ hip hop dances. Just a thought. I mean, Guitar Hero is taking over the world. I understand it’s an addictive game, but c’mon. It’s a fucking plastic guitar that you pretend to strum and you arent doing anything… it’s lame. I think this way because I tried it and I suck. If im not good at something I therefore hate it. haha.

Pop music makes me happy. It’s as simple as that. I love putting on some 98 degrees when i’m feelin’ blue. Even though they really weren’t a boyband because 1. There were only 4 members and 2. They didnt dance. plus, Nick dated Jessica Simpson and we all know how that turned out… whore.

So the next time you feel self-concious about listening to pop just think of me jamming by myself on my way to class to “Barbie Girl”….